Sporting serious cleave on the set of “Extract”:
Katherine Heigl gets ready to sneak up behind the metaphorical bull with hemorrhoids and smack it on the testicles. Sold! (Websters)
Janet Jackson requires an industrial-strength steel girdle to keep her gut in check. (Hollywood Rag)
The Tranny Spice Girls Pussycat Dolls class it up for the Vodafone Music Awards. (The Bastardly)
Another Pamela Anderson sex tape? I’m guessing it takes place in the cab of a big rig or a Mapco shitter. (CelebSmack)
Kim Kardashian gives the tensile strength of spandex a run for its money. (Dirty Rotten Whore)
Ryan O’Neal and his son bond over a little meth. (Derek Hail)
Looks like Mischa Barton might be a cutter! (Ninja Dude)
Mary-Kate and Ashley break up! (MollyGood)
Sarah Jessica Parker gets bangs — and it blows. (Holy Moly)
Mischa Barton’s entire tit falls out. AGAIN. (CelebNewsWire)
Sarah’s taking the reigns on Monday, so I’ll see you snarky bastards Tuesday! And remember — crack kills. As do coyotes. So don’t go petting any, dummies! xoxo Abby
Although her play won’t officially open until October 16th, Katie Holmes began previews for her Broadway debut in All My Sons last night. On hand for Katie’s big night? A shitload of anti-Scientology protestors with masks and picket signs and presumably, a death wish. According to Us Weekly
Around 20 demonstrators (many in masks) staged a protest, shouting “Free Katie” and holding signs that screamed “How many more must die?” A demonstrator insisted, “We are not boycotting Katie, we are not boycotting the play - we are protesting Scientology. It is evil. Scientology kills people. It follows you home at night. It is perverted.”
But Holmes… seemed undeterred.
By “undeterred” they must have meant “stuck on autopilot.” I’m pretty sure it’s the only setting Katie’s allowed other than “ovulate” and “smile like you mean it.”
You know that feeling you get when you’re walking past a crazy hobo who’s spouting gibberish? That sort of panicked, where do I look oh God he’s making eye contact feeling? Well, now you can suffer through that feeling without the inconvenience of being outdoors, courtesy of America’s Next Top Model. Tyra Banks stars as princess Snow White, complete with poison apples, gay Prince Charming and “the Good Fierce Witch” as she introduces the makeover segment of the show (around the 3:30 mark). It’s as fucking insane as it sounds. All that’s missing is the stench of urine and Wild Irish Rose and maybe a shopping cart full of aluminum cans.
Post-makeover swimsuit shoot:
The NY Daily News claims Paris Hilton is “devastated” after losing two of her dogs to a coyote attack Wednesday night, but Page Six has a different version of events:
Paris Hilton has no one to blame but herself. Hilton - a “pet collector” who has more than 10 dogs, a monkey and other mammals in her menagerie - is a well-known nuisance in her Beverly Hills neighborhood, where she often ignores her dogs. Neighbors and paparazzi have found some of her pooches roaming the streets after she carelessly left the doors open and lost track of them. As for the attack, Hilton didn’t even find the dogs’ bodies until the next day - long after they should have been fed and accounted for.
This just goes to show that you really need to be specific when you say your prayers. When I prayed, “Oh, Lord, please find a way to kill those stupid Hilton bitches,” I should have made it clear I was talking about Paris and Nicky. Apparently God is a real stickler when it comes to semantics.
